


the one thing you leave behind (is how did you love)

by MostTulip



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-24
Updated: 2016-12-24
Packaged: 2018-09-11 15:07:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8991931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MostTulip/pseuds/MostTulip
Summary: Kylo's orders are to turn Rey to the Dark Side. His personal feelings may prevent him from doing so.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [diasterisms](https://archiveofourown.org/users/diasterisms/gifts).



> title from "how did you love" by shinedown.

The scavenger, Rey, lay unconscious on one of the bunks of Kylo's personal shuttle. Their fight at the Resistance's former headquarters, D'Qar, had seen her injured by one of the Stormtroopers in the attack. Kylo had executed the imbecile himself, returning to Rey's side immediately after. By then the Resistance had been almost completely evacuated. None of them showed any sign of realizing that their Jedi had been shot down, and, personal feelings aside, Kylo had a mission to complete.

As the first time they had met, he carried her onto his ship, ordering the medic accompanying him to see to her injuries. A blaster bolt to the back, right between the shoulder blades. Her attention had been torn between fighting him and seeing one specific ship off without any damage taken, so she had been oblivious to the danger right behind her.

Kylo was angry at himself, too. He should have noticed. He should have felt the approaching Stormtrooper through the Force, and stopped them from causing Rey any harm. But he too had been distracted, focused more on her pleas through the bond to stop the attack, to stop fighting for a side that he knew to be wrong. If Rey suffered any lasting damage, he would never forgive himself for his weakness.

The pilot alerted him to their arrival at Snoke's citadel when they came in range of the planet. His master had ordered him to return at once should he acquire the scavenger. While Kylo was confident his master would be unhappy with Rey's condition, all transgressions would be forgiven when Kylo presented Rey to him. Any unease he felt for this course he quickly shoved aside; he could not doubt his master, not now.

Alone, he brought Rey through the winding hallways of the sanctuary, to the main room that served as Snoke's audience chamber. Before the throne of his master, he set her down on the cold stone, cradling her head when he lowered her.

"You have been successful in your mission, then." The Supreme Leader's twisted form observed them with ancient eyes. The instinct to protect Rey's body from them was a strong one, but he prevailed in ignoring it.

"I have, Master." He bent the knee, and bowed his head in respect. The Force reached out to him, grasping his chin and tilting it up until his eyes met those of Snoke.

A moment passed in which Kylo wondered what sentence his master would pass upon him. What punishment would he suffer, for his master must be displeased. As if in response to those thoughts, tendrils of the Force stroked over his cheek, caressing his face in a loving manner. "Good, my boy," his master rumbled, something like a smile twisting his already hideous features. "You have done well."

In the suffocating presence of his master, he experienced joy. "Thank you, Master." He could not prevent the excitement from tinting his words, but the Supreme Leader showed no sign of disapproval. The distant concern he held for Rey had him asking, "What is to be done with her, Master?"

"She has shown great resistance to the Dark Side. Rest, and have her injuries healed. Take her below to the abandoned passages, and remain there until she is more amiable to our cause."

"Yes, Master."

While Rey soaked in a bacta tank, Kylo returned to his own quarters. His sleep was interrupted occasionally by dreams that did and did not belong to him. Memories of his father and mother, interspersed with a childhood spent on Jakku filtered through his mind. He was used to such things occurring, after having accidentally bonded his mind with Rey's. Their unconscious minds often intertwined, and their dreams would morph together. When they were not affected by vivid dreams, it was surprisingly easier for them both to sleep, and to deal with the nightmares they were prone to having.

He was summoned to the medbay when Rey was fully healed. The medics had kept her unconscious with the use of sedatives, for which he was thankful for. It would be simpler to relocate to the old, abandoned sections of the citadel if Rey was not fighting him every step of the way. He gathered supplies he deemed necessary, for he did not intend for them to return to the higher levels until Rey had agreed to join him.

The abandoned levels were darker and danker, though some rooms were better off than others. The Supreme Leader often had the Knights of Ren individually assigned to them when he suspected they may have lost their way. Kylo knew these areas well, great portions of his training spent there without food or drink. He always left stronger than when he entered, as his master wished.

The room he chose for them held a single bed, large enough that even Kylo had plenty of space. There he laid Rey, brushing stray strands of hair out of her face. She would wake soon, and would not be so peaceful when she did.

Rather than watch her as she slept, Kylo busied himself with unloading the items he had brought down with them. Practice sabers, to spar with. Extra clothing and medical supplies, because accidents were not common but they occurred. And their food, which he stored in one of the adjacent storage areas. As he was finishing, Rey began to stir.

When he returned from the other room, he found Rey looking around them curiously, her fear communicated very clearly to him. She noticed him quickly enough, and she stared at him seemingly for ages without speaking.

Finally, she asked, "Where are we?"

"The Supreme Leader's citadel," he responded. Her fear and panic spiked, and he attempted to soothe it as well as he could with the Force. It appeared to work, as her heart rate decreased and the trembling in her hands lessened incrementally.

"You brought me to him?"

He opened his mouth to answer, but found himself hesitating. The answer was plain as day, yet it felt like a betrayal to admit it to her. But he had promised to be honest with her from the moment they met, and he would not break that promise now. "I have. The Supreme Leader charged me with bringing you to him. When you were injured on D'Qar, I made arrangements for you to be taken care of."

Absentmindedly, she reached for the spot where she had been hit. "You're fine now," he told her reassuringly, "the bacta worked perfectly. There is no scar, and no lingering damage to your body."

Her eyes roamed over his face, tracing the mark she had left there after she defeated him the first time. He sensed she was saddened by the wound she had left on him, but did not regret it. "Kylo-" she started, but paused, instead sighing, " _Ben_ -"

His rage was swift to rise. " _Stop,_ " he hissed. "You will not speak that name here."

Rey's calm expression morphed into one of equal anger. "It is your name, isn't it? Or have you forgotten?"

"I have forgotten nothing! But you are wrong; that boy died long ago, killed because he was weak." Sometimes, though, his memories would come back to Kylo, and he was the boy again, playing in the forests of Yavin 4, or flying with his father in the Millennium Falcon. When he would come back to himself, he always immediately surrendered to whatever punishment his master had waiting for him. The Supreme Leader always knew when the boy returned.

"And what good has it done you, _Kylo_ ? How much have you learned from Snoke's teachings? How much of your weakness has been destroyed?"

He glared at her, for loss of an answer. _You know it's true,_ his father said to him, before he died. And maybe Kylo did know. But such treachery could not be uttered here, much less thought of, not when they stood beneath the Supreme Leader himself.

Rey's face softened, and she murmured, "It's alright to be afraid. You're not alone in this fight."

The weakness was swelling inside of him again, and he could not bear to face it. He turned away from her, from the desires she awakened inside of him. "The Supreme Leader has ordered me to keep you here, until you have chosen to join us in our mission."

"Join you in enslaving the galaxy, you mean," she said under her breath. Her presence pushed against his mind, urged him to collapse his barriers and let her in. He refused. "I won't fight you, Kylo."

"I know." He grabbed one of the practice sabers, his back still turned to her. As he approached the doorway, he said, "I will return in two hours. I will welcome your company, should you choose to join me." When there was no answer, he continued on, headed towards one of the emptier rooms to train.

Kylo had been relying on the physical exertion to calm his mind, quiet the thoughts all clamoring for attention. No matter how hard he pushed himself, how quickly or smoothly he went through forms, it did nothing for his head. Only Rey's soft presence, separate from his own thoughts but still tugging in the back of his head, created any kind of similar effect on him. She was meditating, and occasionally pushing out to nudge against him gently.

He knew she should have commanded her to stop. If the Supreme Leader were to look through his mind and see this, they would both suffer the consequences. But he could not find the strength to do it; he had come to depend on her, and her Force presence, greatly. He doubted the same was true for her; Rey was stronger than even he. She had survived the deserts of Jakku, and overcome the crippling loss of the man she looked to as her father; she would survive him, whether that be through casting him down as she rose to serve the Supreme Leader, or defeating him in her fight for the Light Side.

Rey was still deep in meditation when he returned, settled in the middle of the bed, serenity radiating from her figure. He dared not interrupt her, quietly making them a meal for the evening. From a few of the items he had brought along, he made a simple stew, with enough sustenance to give them the energy they would need for later. He filled two bowls, bringing them both to the table located in the center of their room. He took a seat, knowing Rey would be along soon. He felt her hunger as keenly as he felt his own.

Sure enough, once the smell of the warm meal wafted its way over to her, Rey broke away from her meditation and joined him at the table. She sat in the chair across from his own, digging into her food immediately. He'd served her a little more than himself, because even if she was smaller than him in size, her food intake was much larger, especially when it was better than the bland rations they served the soldiers.

They finished at roughly the same time, Rey taking care to eat every last scrap from her bowl. Kylo still had some bits left over, his appetite diminished with his unease at the mission, and he pushed his bowl across the table to her. Rey flashed him a grin, before devouring what little he had left. When she was done, she followed his lead, taking her dirty bowl into the adjacent room and setting it down upon one of the surfaces.

"There is a droid that stays in these hallways," he informed her. "It will come to collect what we leave out while we sleep."

She maintained her silence, though he sensed her thanks through the Force. They reentered the rooms they had claimed as their own, and Kylo took her to the door leading to their bed. When she saw that there was only one, her eyes narrowed but she didn't comment.

Kylo had hardly stepped away from her before she began to undress herself. "What are you doing?" he blurted out before he could think better of it.

Rey looked at him with amusement. "I'm changing. You brought other clothes, I assume?" She was in the process of removing her shirt, her pants and shoes already piled on the floor. The bit Kylo caught of her skin brought the beginnings of a blush to his face.

"Of course I did." He walked briskly past her, missing the way her face had also turned pink.

He rifled through the clothing he had gathered until he found something more suitable for sleeping, for both of them. Rey had disappeared into the 'fresher and he was able to breathe a sigh of relief. Her clothes had been left on the floor, so he took those and left them for the droid to clean. He may have believed that she should stay dressed in the material he would provide her, but he understood how important those belongings were to her.

Kylo changed as well, and pulled back the bed's covering so they could get in. Not long after, she asked him to bring her the clothes he had gotten for her. He kept his head tilted away from the inside of the 'fresher, retreating to the bed when she had grasped the cloth.

A little while after, she exited the 'fresher, hair let loose from the regular three bun style she kept it in. It flowed across her shoulders, some strands still wet and darker than others. He had offered her a shirt - large, even for him - and because of its size it fell to mid thigh.

Rey still said nothing about the sleeping arrangement, though he could feel her questions in the back of his head. When she also crawled into the bed, he curled up closer to her, not touching but surrounding. It felt natural in a way he couldn't explain, but knew centered around the bond. They both slept easier that way.

In the morning he made them another meal, and Rey ate it up just as eagerly. She deemed herself ready to speak, offering him a quiet, "Thank you. It was good." He offered to train with her, and she accepted, taking the other practice saber he had brought with a determined look in her eye. They sparred three rounds, and she beat him in two of them. The last he won by sheer strength alone, which he had been holding back on until he realized it was unnecessary to. With most of the Knights lacking the Force, he had become used to drawing back for the sake of training. And there was still an insistent part of him that balked at the idea of hurting Rey.

His purpose was not forgotten, but Rey's presence was as intoxicating as his master's, if not more so. He knew she would never agree to follow Snoke and could not bring himself to ask it of her. It would cost him in the end, he knew. They couldn't stay there forever, and eventually Snoke would want results. Rey's freedom, he decided, would be worth whatever punishment Snoke would deal to him.

And he knew that that day would come soon.

From the very corners of his mind, he could feel Snoke's impatience growing. Nearly half a month had passed and yielded no results. His master would not wait for much longer.

Which had likely been what gave Kylo the courage to trace the back of his fingers down the side of Rey's face, her neck and shoulder as they lay in bed one night. In all that time, they had never touched as they faded into sleep. What Kylo was doing broke all the rules they had unconsciously set forth that first night, to protect themselves from the pain they knew could only come of whatever else was between them.

"Kylo," Rey murmured. She turned her head, glancing over her shoulder. His hand stayed resting against her shoulder, curled into a loose fist. Though she had not said his name as a question, he heard it all the same. Whatever courage he had was quickly fleeing, would be gone if he didn't act soon. So he leaned forward, pressed his lips to hers in a soft kiss.

The first he had ever given, and the first she had ever received.

It lasted no more than a second, a fleeting motion made to answer her question. Rey rolled over, facing him now. Her eyes held a different question as she cupped his cheek. He answered that one with a kiss too, to the palm of her hand. She smiled at him as he did so, the first true smile Kylo had seen on her face. The distance between their faces closed soon after, their second kiss lasting longer than the first.

Kylo had allowed his hand to drift to Rey's leg, caressing the inside of her thigh but going no further. When they broke apart for air, Rey gave him a nod of her head. "It's okay. You can-you can touch me there, if you want." He could feel the nervousness that she held too, and it made him feel better, pulling Rey's underwear down and off her legs.

When he lifted his hand to the apex of her thighs, her sex was already dripping wet. He wanted to get a look, to see if her folds glistened with her slick as he thought they would, but didn't know how to voice his desire. Rey was too distracted by the sensation of his fingertips searching for her clitoris to hear him. He found the little nub quickly, his touch causing Rey to buck her hips wildly. He liked the look that crossed her face - that expression of absolute pleasure - and rubbed at it again.

She gasped, twisting her head into the pillow while his finger stroked over her clit even harder. "Kriff, Kylo," she groaned, eyes opening enough for her to see his face. He could sense her pleasure mutely through the bond, capable of feeling it at a much greater capacity but having attempted to tone it down enough that he could focus more on her. He kissed the corner of her mouth, smiling against her skin when he felt her beginning to approach her peak.

Using his other hand, he wet his fingers in her slick, pressing one finger into her cunt. Her back arched at the surprise stimulation, and a moment after she took his finger all the way inside of her, she clenched hard on the digit, her cunt flooding with her wetness as the orgasm overcame her.

Her breathing had only just restored to a normal pace when she lifted her thigh and pressed it up against Kylo's crotch. Unbidden, he moaned, rocking against her leg helplessly. Rey's hand reached into his underwear, wrapping around his cock and stroking him at an achingly slow pace. He gritted his teeth, tried to numb the sensation enough for him to return the favor for Rey.

Rey slapped his hand away when he made to do the same. "No," she told him in a strong voice, eliciting a whimper from Kylo. "Open yourself up, Kylo. Let yourself feel how good it is." He did as she instructed him to do, opening himself to both the pleasure and to her. "Good, that's good, Kylo." The way she said his name sent shivers down his spine. He liked it, that he could hear her satisfaction with him in her voice; it felt good, right.

He didn't fight her as she pushed him onto his back. She grasped one of his hands in her own and nudged it against her cunt. "Put your fingers in me, Kylo, that's it. Like that," she sighed, hips undulating against his hand. Kylo's head was too full with the way her fingers squeezed and pulled at his cock, couldn't do anything more than let her use him however she wanted.

Kylo didn't even notice that she'd stopped riding his fingers until she stopped the movement of her hand. He couldn't help the small whine that fell from his lips, pushing his hips against the hand that held his cock in place. Didn't realize what she had in mind until she was sinking onto his cock.

She started slow, becoming used to the feel of having his cock inside her all at once, grinding leisurely against him. When she grew accustomed to it, she began to ride him viciously, lifting herself up and slamming back down on his cock. His hips would thrust up into her unconsciously, forcing noises of pleasure from her. "Kriff, kriff," was murmured in between the gasps of his name and the moans that came from the both of them.

Kylo was speechless, could only let out sobs of pleasure when her cunt tightened around him just right. He was blind to her thoughts, mind lost in the swirl of their combined pleasure. When she kissed at his lips, biting and licking into his mouth, he returned it the best he was able to, albeit more sloppily than she.

The sensation surged up and up and up, and when they came their minds slotted together in a way they hadn't before. For a moment, his whole world was _Rey._ His love, if he could call it that yet, solidified for her, and it became truth to him that he would do anything for this woman. He would fall on his own sword, if she only asked it of him.

"Kylo," she said again, and briefly he wished she would say another name in that one's place, the one of the boy he had tried to kill so long ago and still tried, but never could. The thought flitted away though, once she kissed him again, softly this time. Her affection for him swelled across the bond, overwhelming him.

He found the strength to kiss her back, sending his own emotions for her through the Force, too. She smiled against his lips, and nestled against his chest. Kylo wrapped his arms around her shoulders, pressing more kisses to the top of her head.

Rey drifted to sleep, contented. Kylo, though tired, stared at the ceiling of their small shelter from the rest of the world. He imagined he could see the Supreme Leader through the layers of stone and durasteel. He imagined driving his lightsaber through the old creature, his former master, for Rey. The thought pleased him, and when he turned his head into the pillow, he imagined the dream becoming reality.


End file.
